Found this letter under my son's crib

Dear Mr. BIG GUY

Just a quick note to keep you posted. These two persons I picked? Excellent people… The chick is on my face, like on my face! Really. I woke up and where is she? On my face, she feeds me and…on my face. No complaints though I’m cool, I’m cool. I like her. She is always warm and smells like lunch. Oh my GOD does she talk and when she is not talking she is singing. She keeps telling me to call her “mami”; I don’t know why because everyone else calls her by another name, but that’s fine I like “mami” more than her other name anyway. Like when I first got here I would move while sleeping and there she was putting her fingers right in my nostrils. I mean, doesn’t she sleep? Now the guy… One word for him. H I L A R I O U S!!! Really you should see all the things he does to make me laugh. Get this: early in the morning he does everything and it works, you know? That’s until he takes out this small mechanical thing with the clicking noise and point it to my face. Not so fun anymore with that thing staring at me. You know? At that point I give him my “oh oh, whatcha doing?” face. Too bad I don’t get to see him more often. He leaves early in the day to some place called “the office” and I don’t see him until midnight when I wake up.

I wanted to tell you Big Guy. This whole human experience thing… two thumbs up!!! Great idea!!! I l o v e It! You get to feel stuff, you know? For example they use water to take a bath here and when I’m taking one I get to kick my feet and my arm on the water and it feels like flying. Sure, you know what I mean. Well, I have to be honest, not everything feels so good though. All of a sudden my gums are hurting. The other day I overheard that lady in the white outfit they take me to every month. The one who keeps putting that light into my eyes… and she said I was teething... It’s not nice to be called “teething”. I like to be called what the big ones call me: Cutie, Baby, Big Boy. By the way about that monthly visit. I’d rather not go anymore, if it’s ok with you? It’s not fun either. And then, there is this crazy woman with the frizzy hair, who keeps calling me “wiggly worm”. What?? And, on top of that, Miss Frizzy pinches my legs with this, I don’t know, sharp stick. Jesus!!! That hurts…

Oh, oh, one other thing. They keep putting something on my gummy gums. The chick (mami) says its raspberry flavored. Riiight… Like I don’t know what raspberry tastes like. Uhum! Remember those fruit “happy hours” we used to have in the fluffy room, where Santa and the Tooth Fairy always hang out? Um Um… Now that is one of the things humans lack behind… They don’t know a thing about how real stuff taste like.

I mean these people even celebrate my burping. I thought you might have wanted to know this about them? You know for the record...But again I’M COOL, I’M COOL… I love it here. Thanks for letting me come. I’d like to stay for the next hundred years if that’s Ok with you.


OH MY GOD YOU RULE!!!

Love you, Lucas